Improbable Phrases

Who says that?

More Force than Necessary

So, there are occasionally mid-sized cockroaches that live in a crack in the baseboard in the bathroom. Seemingly one at a time, but I’m sure that’s a failure of imagination on my part. As they are discovered, I smash them with shoes. I have these really solid shoes that I wear to work that make very satisfying thuds against the tile floor.

In any event, the most recent one was startled out of the bathroom and into the kitchen area on Saturday night/Sunday morning when I got up to go pee. I went back to my bedroom to get a shoe and it was huddled back in an awkward corner where I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to get it. So I tried to scare/coax it out by swinging my foot at it.

Disaster. The cockroach got agitated, then confused, and ran up my leg and onto my nightgown. At which point I started squawking “No!” and shaking my night gown as hard as I could. Within a few (long) seconds, it hit the floor and I hit it with the shoe. Hard, and likely long after it was dead. I left the shoe laying on top of the dead bug, went to the bathroom, and then back to bed.

In the morning I discovered that a bunch of carnivorous ants were working on the body and carrying it off, teeny piece by teeny piece. I left them to their industry and in the afternoon, when they were gone, I swept the parts left behind onto a landing that no one really uses.

It’s the circle of life, and whatever, but it was also fiercely, upsettingly gross.

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